Not a good parenting moment
Have you ever had one of those parenting moments when you felt like you failed miserably? I had one this morning.
I overslept. Instead of waking up at 7:15 am, making coffee, and then going upstairs to wake up Little Man, he woke up me at 7:48 am. His bus arrives outside our house a little after 8:00am. Naturally, I panicked. I know, missing a bus isn’t the worst thing in the world to happen, but with two other little kids in the house, I really didn’t want to have to bundle them up and take them outside in the cold to take Little Man to school.
But that is not the moment where I think I failed. It was how I handled oversleeping. As I said, I panicked when I realized we only had 12 minutes or so to get Little Man dressed, fed, and out the door in time for the bus.
Before any rational thought entered my groggy, coffee deprived brain, I was barking orders at my son, telling him to come upstairs with me so we could get his clothes. I threw open his drawers and grabbed the first shirt, pants, and socks I could find and shoved them on him, all the while yelling at him that he was not moving fast enough. I grabbed his arm and almost drug him back down the stairs to get him something to eat. After a very quick breakfast, I took him to the bathroom where I very hurriedly brushed his teeth. He usually brushes his own teeth but this morning I knew I’d be faster. I grabbed his snow pants, threw them at him, and barked, “get those on!” while I got his coat and boots from the closet. I dropped them both at his feet and again barked, “get those on!” while I ran to put my boots and coat on. When I got back I yelled, “you’re not moving fast enough!” as I took over and snapped his snow pant overalls and zipped his coat. Grabbing his elbow, I virtually pushed him out the door. We hurried down the driveway as best we could in the falling snow where we waited 5 minutes for his bus to arrive.
It was during those five minutes when I was able to calm down and thank God that we got to the bus stop before the bus arrived that I realized how poorly I had handled that situation. I yelled and barked orders and didn’t even think about how it made my son feel. Little Man didn’t complain once during my 12 minutes of insanity. I felt like the biggest loser mom of all time. He deserved an apology. I turned to him and said that it was my fault that we had to hurry, that I shouldn’t have yelled at him, and that he didn’t do anything wrong. Quietly he said, “That’s ok, mom.”
I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek just as his bus arrived. When the bus pulled away, I still felt awful because I knew I was not a very good mom that morning. I know that I will have more bad mom moments in my life. It’s impossible to be a great parent all the time, but I really need to learn to stay calm in situations like that and not lash out so much. The question is, how do I do that when I don’t realize until it’s too late that I’m doing it to begin with?
I wish I could tell you that that will be your worst parenting moment, but you still have the teen years.
You. Have. No. Idea.
Kathleen
Comment by Rightwingsparkle — January 7, 2009 @ 6:34 pm
Don’t be too hard on yourself. It happens to the best of us. He really did forgive you, and saying you’re sorry means a lot to him. I have four of my own, so I have plenty of those days too. And apologies abound. God will insulate them from the mistakes you make. I really believe that – especially if you are sincerely seeking to do good, which you seem to be.
Onward,
Jane
Comment by Jane Q Republican — January 7, 2009 @ 6:37 pm
We’ve all been there. You can’t beat yourself up, you just have to try again tomorrow.
Comment by catnip — January 7, 2009 @ 8:09 pm
Honey, you’re already ahead of the game because YOU KNOW you could have done bette r – and you acknowledged that – and apologized. And yes, I agree with Kathleen, just wait until you have teenagers – you will feel like a loser Mom every day – and your teenager will use each opportunity to make you feel all your shortcomings.
It happens to the VERY BEST OF US. Don’t beat yourself up.
Hugs!
Comment by Kim H. — January 7, 2009 @ 9:17 pm
Thank you, ladies, for your advice and guidance. Little Man is my oldest and he is only six, so I have to accept that I have many, many years of mistakes yet to make.
And, Kathleen, you’re so right, I haven’t been through anything until I have parented a child through the teen years. Oh, boy. That’s going to be very interesting.
Comment by Kim — January 7, 2009 @ 9:20 pm
Thanks for sharing. I know I blow off at my kids too….more so it seems when it is my fault and I am trying to make up for my mistake. I just end up compounding it while showing my kids the way NOT to act in a stressful situation. But, kids need to know that mistakes happen and that moms and dads aren’t perfect. An older (and more experienced) mom told me that these times, while not nice, set up a chance for us to be humbled before our kids. To say “I’m sorry” to them. All things work together for good….and God uses our failings to help our young ones see how wonderful mercy and forgiveness feels to not only get, but to give.
Keep up the good work!
Comment by kim — January 7, 2009 @ 9:21 pm
That is something I have a hard time with as well. All we can is try to stop it before we get too crazy barking orders.
Comment by Andrea — January 7, 2009 @ 9:31 pm
Oh, Kim. I’ve been there. I still vividly remember my worst 60 min. of insanity (see…some of us ARE worse!!). I found out one time that Ryan had a band concert 60 min. before it was supposed to start. Jeff was out of town, we hadn’t eaten dinner, and Ryan didn’t have the black pants and white shirt he needed to wear. I freaked out–totally. I was such a jerk!! I yelled for everyone to get in the car immediately and dragged everyone to the store to find the clothes Ryan needed. We were laughing about it by the time we headed back to the school, but I had to apologize big time for acting like a maniac.
God DOES cover our mistakes, though, when we sincerely seek to do a good job. I remember one night, praying and telling God that I was just sure that I was doing such a bad job that Ryan would be in therapy for the rest of his life. God quietly whispered to my heart, ‘If you were able to be the perfect parent to Ryan, why would He need me?”
Comment by Karin — January 8, 2009 @ 2:57 am
oops…meant to write, “Why would he need Me?”
Comment by Karin — January 8, 2009 @ 2:58 am
Kim, You need to take a deep breath and ask yourself : “Is this situation I am in right now a lifestyle change.” 99.9% of the time it isn’t. It’s tough with three little ones. We’ve all been there but I commend you for apologizing to Little One. Just keep breathing!
Question: who watches the kids while you snowmobile? Please don’t tell me you take them with you!:-)
Comment by Mama Meier — January 11, 2009 @ 10:30 am